There are quite a few ground rules in NLP and apply to all human behaviours in all contexts. Let us see them particularly in the context of Positive and Effective Parenting.

1. People are not their behaviours 

• This is a good start to understanding that whatever way your child is behaving, it is dependent on the context it is exhibited in. It will help you to focus on the causes of the behaviour and not be judgmental of your child as an individual. Point out the behaviour and not the child.

2. If what you are doing isn’t working, do something else

• Very important to understand that despite your doing ‘everything, a child’s behaviour is still not in sync with your expectations, it's time to sit back and reflect on your ‘own’ behaviour. As parents, we are wired to think that it's their (children’s) behaviour that needs to change and, in the process, we ignore our own actions. We keep shouting at them with the expectation that they will be polite. We show contradictions in our actions while expecting the change in them.
• So here is a suggestion … Change your own way. Do something different.
• The first step is to decide the desired outcome you want to bring in. What is that you want to change. Focus on one behaviour at a time. Now go into the details of what exactly do you want, who needs to do what, how should it be done.

3. Another reason for our own reaction to a certain behaviour is an outcome of our own beliefs. It will be a good way to revisit and review our own underlying beliefs for that action/reaction and check if they are valid in today’s scenario. Could you make another belief for yourself to modify your behaviour, which in turn will get you the outcome as you desire?

The same thing can be done with children when they are repeating the same behaviour but desiring a different outcome. Discussing with them the possibility of getting a different outcome by bringing a difference in behaviour, is a great way to get them more ready for the next steps in life.

About Author:

SUNITA JAIN is a certified Master Practitioner and a Life Coach from Wisdom Tree Solutions. She has worked in the space of education for about 25 years now. The background and experience are rooted in alternative methods of teaching and learning using art, music, theatre, project work to teach mainstream subjects from Kindergarten to Class 10th. During the course of the journey, she has worked with all stakeholders of a school. Has worked with more than 400 schools across India.